A disclaimer: This essay has nothing to do with workplace communication or improv (unless for some reason in your workplace or improv show it does…). But it does have to do with communication in general, and asks the question, “how do we talk about very sensitive, very emotionally charged, very important things?”

I have two family members who will not speak to each other. While one says they have been shunned for voicing a legitimate concern and therefore treated unjustly, the other says they’d set a clear boundary around something hurtful and offensive. That boundary was violated, so they did what they had to in order to protect their emotional safety. What was this family shattering boundary? Comparing the handling of the pandemic to the Holocaust.

On January 27th, we marked Holocaust Remembrance Day, and so for the past week I have been reflecting on whether or not we have learned the lessons of history, whether or not humans are capable of committing this kind of horror again, and perhaps even more importantly how we talk about preventing this kind of hatred and persecution from rearing it’s ugly head as we move into an uncertain future.

As I have spent time in reflection, this conflict between members of my family has been at the forefront of my mind. What they agree on is that the kind of dehumanizing loss of life that happened at the hands of Nazis should never happen again. What they disagree on is whether or not the treatment of people who opted out of receiving covid shots in 2021 mirrors Germany’s treatment of Jews in 1933, and if those parallels indicate that we are heading down a very dangerous path that will lead to repeat atrocity.

But the conflict goes deeper than simply disagreeing. If it was limited to just that, then one person saying “I think it is happening again and here is why” would simply be greeted with a counter, “I think we’re ok and here’s why.”

Because the examples used to draw parallels between Nazi treatment of the Jews and how the unvaccinated have been treated over the past two years are the very same actions people were both told to take or voluntarily took in the name of public health, these examples come off as accusations and get passed through the filter of: This is offensive, hurtful, and dangerous misinformation. In other words, “I think it’s happening again and here’s why,” is heard as “you are a nazi!” and quickly countered with “what you said is hurtful, apologize or we’re done.”

As a side note, if you have any interest at all in understanding why on earth someone might feel deeply concerned about any holocaust-like implications of covid policies you might consider watching this series in which Holocaust survivors, and their children or grandchildren share personal stories, observations, and concerns (the on-screen editing isn’t the best, so you could listen to it like a podcast, which is what I did).

It’s often said that history doesn’t repeat itself, instead it rhymes. I think deep down we know we will never see something identical to what happened in Germany. But we also know that people are capable of horrifying acts, and so something worse is always possible. Perhaps this is why we look for these kinds of patterns. After all, crying “Nazi” isn’t limited to covid.

These days there is no shortage of people who will point out modern examples of racist, bigoted and anti-semitic beliefs alive and well as evidenced by actual violence and extremist rhetoric on both the left and the right. While it is true that the ideals of liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are deeply American, you don’t have to dig very far into our history to find roots of ignorance, fear and hatred as well. For a dive into the US’s relationship to events in Europe during the Holocaust, you might check out Ken Burn’s recent documentary.

If it is true that we do not want another holocaust. If it is true, that people are capable of falling asleep at the wheel and letting insanely bad things happen, then it makes sense to look for patterns and call them out when we see them, but how do we bring it up? How should we talk about parallels we notice? How do we open up the conversation?

In my humble opinion there are a couple of best practices that could help:

People never ever want to feel like the villain. When people think they are being accused of being a bad person they are quick to dismiss what they’re being told. When people are given the opportunity to feel like they could be a hero, it is easier to listen.
Tone matters always. Like grandma always said, you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.
Curiosity is the best defense. When someone expresses a concern that’s hard to hear, exploring with them is the fastest way through. Telling them to ‘stop it’ or ‘calm down’ prolongs and escalates.
Conversations about hard topics should happen face to face, or over the phone, open humbly, and proceed with patience. Hard topics are not expressed well via meme, sarcasm or tweet length declarations.
Be willing to say I’m sorry, and own when the conversation has yielded an unwanted result like driving a wedge between yourself and a loved one.

Thank you for reading this think-aloud. These are just some of my thoughts. It is helpful for me to write them out as I ruminate.

Mostly though, I want to hear from you. What is your perspective on all of this? Are there warning signs to which we should be attuned? How do you think we should talk about these things openly, honestly and responsibly?

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How should we talk about the holocaust?